Now that I am 2 days into this and learning a little more about this whole new world that is the blogosphere, I have come to some conclusions:
I thought this would be a great place to get out my feelings, which it is. But, I am realizing it is a LOT more than that. This is a place where I have a voice and can actually tell people something worth reading. So, I feel obligated to make it something worth reading. Sure, I know that reading about other people’s struggles can be helpful, but sometimes it is more important to read about the good- to hear something happy. And, I think it is also really important to talk about the good and the happy. I don’t really do that. Not on here, and not with my friends… I’m just not a happy person. I complain too much. I have made the decision that, no matter how long and awful and depressed my posts need to be, no matter how terrible I feel, I will end my posts with something happy. I will count my blessings. It will serve to remind me that even when I didn’t care about him at all, God has ALWAYS been looking out for me.
I’m writing this after a piña colada, so if I sound a little wonky, well, that’s probably why. It is so rare that I drink, and being 105 lbs, it doesn’t take much to make me wonky. I think the last time was about 2 months ago, and I just poured some wine in my apple juice after work. I’m so exciting, guys. Anyways…
I went to work today. I woke up feeling awful, like I do almost every morning. When I have to get up for work at 5:00 I just want to cry. Every time. Sometimes I do. I know not wanting to get up that early is pretty normal, but sometimes it is really bad. I was actually almost late to work today because I left at 6:17am instead of 6:00, which is a HUGE no-no as far as getting stuck in traffic. Somehow, the traffic wasn’t that bad today despite it being a Wednesday. Counting my blessings. I parked at work at 6:53 with 7 minutes left to walk into the hospital and get to my floor on time.
I tried hard to do my weekly homework last night and had zero motivation and could not concentrate, so I gave up. It isn’t due until Thursday at midnight, but I knew that I had to work today and tomorrow, so I knew it was a poor decision to put it off because then I would have to do it after a 12-hr shift. Well, thankfully it was my turn to be cancelled today and since another nurse came in at 3, I got to go home. It is amazing the difference working a 9-hr day instead of a 12 makes. I had time to get gas, go to the grocery store, take a shower, eat dinner, and finish my homework before 9, which is usually about when I’m getting out of the shower straight from work. Nice. Definitely a blessing today. Some days it is a blessing to even accomplish those every day tasks. I’m so thankful that today they were not mountains to climb, but just everyday tasks.
My final blessing for the day is simply this: I’m okay. I feel like I got through that last episode. The thought of eating doesn’t make me anxious anymore, and I have no desire to hurt myself. I am okay. I am okay. And I pray that all of you are okay today, too. Find something good, anything. Something tiny, and remind yourself that there is good. There will be better days.
Also, I want to thank all of you for the likes, comments, and followers that I’ve gotten over the past 2 days. I think it is really cool to be able to share my life with you. There is something beautiful in the anonymity of all this, knowing that no matter who we are, we all share the common threads of humanity, and we can all be supportive to each other. 🙂
thedepressednurse 